Long time, no blog. Get ready for a rant.

I can't believe I've let this page lay fallow for so long. Sadly, I'd forgotten about it. Sometimes you have to put your dreams aside when harsh reality requires the spotlight. Honestly, I thought about just shutting this blog down at first. I mean, let's face it: this is a nice dream, but more than likely, that's all it's going to be. I'll very likely never get to Japan, even for a few days, which at this point, I'd gladly settle for rather than never. But with my financial situation in the dumper, the most exposure to Japanese culture I can hope for in the near future is a road trip to Mitsuwa Marketplace in Chicago.

Ugh, I hate feeling this way. I'll say one thing for an unrequited dream: when you're in the mood to indulge in it, there's no better feeling. You're always one step away from its realization.

It's not just the Japan thing, though. There's a lot more to how I feel right now. Biggest among them: I feel unappreciated at work. I, along with the other people in our department bust our asses every day, putting up with some of the most frustrating people that ever put their hands on a keyboard and mouse. We're constantly under the watchful eyes of our manager and his managers to keep our cool, fix the customer's problems, and go through the proper channels when we can't. But, in the past six months or so, I've felt like we've become the scapegoats. We're the collective target of blame for every mishandled matter, even if we weren't the direct cause of the mishandling. We're easy to blame, and I'm assuming the rationale involved is that we're not the direct source of revenue. Never mind that our work directly correlates with the decision by a customer to either continue using our services or go elsewhere. If we give them good service, they stick with us and pay money to renew every year, thereby bringing revenue into the company's coffers. See how it works?

I made the foolish decision to skip taking my anxiety/depression meds these past two days because I'm running low, and I want to wait to refill my prescription. As a result, my mood has been riding a roller coaster these past few hours, and right now I'm at the biggest drop. It's bad enough that I take so much personally and let things, even if they're small, affect me deeply, but compound that with not taking my meds, and hooooooo boy. All my dislikes about myself and my life are coming at me full force, and there's nothing I can do to talk myself back from it.

Therefore, I'm going to do the smart thing and go to sleep. I'm going to rest my head on the pillow and think about the trip to Tokyo...landing at Narita, taking the shuttle to the hotel, probably the Shinagawa Prince....taking the train to Akihabara...visiting Senso-ji....

Sounds like sweet dreams are in store for me.

Oyasumi nasai.