Nobody expects the man who would be gaijin!

Sugoi sugoi! It's been way too freakin' long since I've posted here. Sadly, there's been very little, if any, progress made in my goal to get to Japan, but the hope and determination for that venture are stronger than ever. Nothing will keep me from my dream. NOTHING.

I do have a story to relate...

Over the previous weekend, I received notification that a Japanese Language and Culture Meet-up group had been formed in the area, made up of Japanese language students and others who appreciated Japan as I do from the area. They were to meet up this past Monday at a cafe on the east side of town. I decided I would attend because I wanted to meet people with the same interest I had.

So, I left directly from work to the east side, anticipating an atrocious traffic situation...glad I did. It was slow-going due to heavy fog. I had time to spare, so I shopped at the nearby Borders bookstore, then I headed toward the cafe. Unfortunately, I had not thought to print out the address of the cafe, so I got completely lost. When I finally found the street I needed to be on, I had to take two runs around just to find the cafe and get a parking space.

When I walked in, there were all of four people there, and two sat at a far table. I noticed Japanese language books on the table; this was obviously the place.

Now, before I continue, you need to know that I am not a social butterfly by any stretch of the imagination. I am very shy around new people, and I'm not the kind of person that feels comfortable approaching strangers and making my presence known. I need to feel like I'm welcome in order to start feeling comfortable around others. So, in a situation like this, I was crippled by a sense of not belonging.

Part of this was attributed to the fact that there was no sign indicating that this was the actual "group" that was scheduled to meet here. Sure, one could ASSUME that it was based on the fact that these two people had Japanese language books on the table, but they could've just been two students working on their Japanese language class homework. Also, when I sat down a table or so away, not announcing my presence or intent but instead choosing to observe for a moment, they looked my way as if someone with two noses had just came in the room. They weren't rude about it; they just seemed as if my presence had disrupted their personal harmony.

The other big problem is that they were speaking almost entirely in Japanese. Now, my Japanese is very poor; to the point where I would not be able to easily understand people, were I to be boarding a flight there today. I'd be praying for english-speakers when I got to Tokyo. Part of the reason why I joined this group was because I thought i'd be able to learn from experts. Instead, I would be expected to already be an expert. This made the whole situation very unattractive to me, so after about 15 minutes where I pretended to read and drink my smoothie, I left, feeling utterly dejected.

Due to construction in the area, I got hopelessly misdirected and ended up going out of my way just to get back home. By the time I did reach home, I was so disillusioned, I told my wife, "someone owes me the last three hours of my life back".

Since I started my Japan "crusade", i've felt terribly isolated. No one around me shares my interest or enthusiasm regarding my goal. They all listen and talk to me as if they would a child speaking about his or her dreams to become ruler of the world. They obviously see my dream as ONLY a dream, something that could never be accomplished, and their lack of enthusiasm infects my spirit like a virus. My hope was that this group I went to meet would be my sanctuary, a mini-society of people that could relate to my feelings toward Japan and share my enthusiasm. That makes the letdown I experienced even more painful.